Twelve Years Trying

Life and hope after infertility and loss

Jealousy of the Fertile

3 Comments

Feeling jealous of just about everyone you know can really put a damper on your relationships.  When friends and family and even acquaintances are having babies, it can really be hard to feel happy for anyone else because you know you may never be so lucky to have a child of your own to love.  It’s not all about you, but it’s so hard to put on a happy face when you’ve been trying so long to achieve what’s coming so easily to everyone else.

It is a terrible feeling to be angry and hurt that your brother and his wife are having a baby and you just can’t feel any joy for them.  It is the happiest time in their lives and you want to be there for them but you just can’t.  It hurts too much.  When you find out your sister-in-law who just got married a few months ago and is ten years younger than you is pregnant and you’ve been married for ten years and you have no baby, it can be devastating.

Others can see it as selfish.  They just don’t understand the pain that comes along with infertility or having lost children.  I saw it as being able to survive.   I had to distance myself from other’s joy just to get by.  I think it’s okay to deal with each situation that comes along the best you can.  I know family and friends were hurt by me not joining them in their happiness, but eventually our relationships were mended.  I was hurt by so many people who I love too, trying to say the right things to me, but completely not having a clue.  I tried to remember that they had absolutely no idea what my husband and I were feeling and I was glad that they didn’t.  I didn’t want anyone else to know that kind of pain.

Now I have two beautiful children.  It took a dozen years before I was blessed to be a mom to a baby I got to keep.  I love to talk about how amazing my children are.  I sometimes forget how painful it was to be on the “other side” of things.  I have been healed by my children.  I don’t want to hurt those that are going through the difficult path that I was on for so many years.  I understand.  I want to inspire others to know that no matter what the odds are, it can happen.  Dreams of becoming a parent can come true regardless of which route is taken to get there.  I know it can be a long arduous journey, but the joy of holding your child in your arms can erase the pain of the past.  Along the way, do the best you can.

3 thoughts on “Jealousy of the Fertile

  1. Reblogged this on luckyfour4 and commented:
    An inspiration x

  2. Please look at my blog http://peainapodblog.wordpress.com/ I have suffered with Endometriosis for a very long time and I have started a blog writing about how it has effected my fertility and about my 1st course of IVF. Hope this helps other find the reason for their pain and to help others going through IVF.

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